Mac-less and thus post-less!

Hey guys,
Thanks for all the luck and wishes.

It seems like getting a mac here is taking longer and longer. Very sorry for zero blogs. i have soooo much to write about but no way to put it out there. But but but...
for a class project i have started a new blog...check it out at:

www.i-spy-ny.blogspot.com

Would love to hear what you have to say.
This blog will be up and running in another week inshallah.
stay safe,

cheers
k

Watch out NY- here i come!

Hey all,

its been ten days since i got back from DXB and been going crazy with preps to leave for NYC. Finally leaving in a couple of hours.

May be missing from the blogging scene for a week or two till i get my laptop there but not to worry, i shall be back with a bang ;) promise.
I have lots to blog about, esp the funny things that happened during travel to dubai and the launch OFCOURSE. :)

See you guys on the other side!

stay safe and pray i do too :P

cheers!
kAy
ps: all you NYC bloggers- email me tips and tricks of surviving in the city!

The Great Return: Destination DXB

So I am leaving for Dubai tomorrow!
RAW LIFE book launch is on Saturday in Dubai! (woohoo!)
:)
Even though i am excited about the launch I am even more excited about the fact that my entire family has decided to make a little family vacation out of my trip and are joining me! So kAy and jam fam have booked 5 days in dxb to chill and bond before i am shipped off to NYC for good!

Incase you guys are wondering why i am so nauseatingly excited about this is because jam fam have NOT taken any family vacation since 1991 together. Sure all of us have been on our own here and there, but a family vacation is a family vacation. And the new little addition we have in our lives (Nadi) will make this vacation even more awesome.

It feels funny going back to UAE after 18 years. I have amazing memories of spending the first 8 years of my life there. 8 amazing years which i remember vividly in great detail. 18 years. Not even a single visit since i came to Pakistan. And now i return...for my book launch. How odd is that?

wish me luck people and pray I do not forget my speech this time ;)

stay safe,
cheers

kAy

the raw journalism

Okay first off, yes the third panel pic really does say "lunched"! "Raw Life lunched"!!
I imagine myself sitting a a table, knife and fork in hand, eating the cactus that is on my cover page! lol
Can't believe that newspaper forgot to spell check!!!


And now my post:
I think anyone who has ever followed my blog closely knows how hard i have tried to remain "anonymous". i know i have not succeeded and a lot of you have emailed me or messaged me on facebook, so yes i realise i have not been that successful but on my blog you guys still called me "kAy" and kept things personally impersonal ( yes i made that term up) and for that i am truly grateful.
I have only been anal about staying unnamed for one reason; so that i can continue to be very candid and very honest in my opinions without unnecessarily worrying about being wrongly judged/quoted in moments when i rant or rave about how i feel about certain things.
Kher, post-book launch, two articles published in the newspapers have given out my blog address in their reviews and i feel a little...(for the lack of a better word)...naked.

I have been told...or actually 'consoled' by blogger friends who say "this had to happen one day kAy"- "your blog could not have remained anonymous forever-not with journalists pouring over your book." I suppose what they say is true. I suppose that is also the reason why my blog followers list has significantly doubled since the articles were published. I suppose i can be glad that more people will get to read what i have to say. I suppose....

i shall still however remain "kAy"... i shall still cover my face with text and i shall still be vague about my identity- for that is all what i know how to do- and i shall appreciate if you guys continue to be the same on your part. :)

Now lets come to post-launch events in life!

You know i have highly misjudged myself as a person! Remember the post i made pre-launch fearing one critical word my destroy me? Oh My God- how wrong was i? i completely underestimated myself. For here i stand having faced criticism and not having felt even a PINCH! (bring out the bubbly! :))

Lets be fair though, perhaps i would have been shattered had something utterly negative and uncalled for had been said about the book. There was not. Everyone, Allah Ka Shukar hai, has so far *loved* it. Loved the effort. Loved the content. Loved the Design. Loved the photography. Loved the book. The stuff that was my personal effort. I have 5 terrific reviews from 5 of the highly regarded personalities in the creative/media industry.

Criticism has been about:
1. Who was there at the launch. (omg this person came! heavens!)
2. Who was NOT there at the launch. (omg he DID NOT? he must haattte her!)
3. Who wore what to the launch. (is that a LAST SEASON Sonya Batla outfit! sacrilege!)

One journalist in DAWN IMAGES section criticized a supplement that went with the book. It was a 7 minute docu to show what the Creatives in the book were like so that you could put a voice to the words once you started reading the book (since the book is in first person). The docu was roughly made, yes, but that was deliberate. It was the whole point. Catching the people in a completely non set up environment. Keeping it utterly casual. Imagine having to set up 50 tungsten lights, shining it in their faces and then asking the creatives to please be natural and act like they do this everyday. If you look at the calm relaxed way they are behaving and talking in the docu you would realise they really were just kicking it in and enjoying me asking them "strange questions". In the journalists defense though, she does claim the video "grows on people". I suppose if people think about what i have said above, they wont be too quick to judge the some what erratic frames, the jerks in the camera and the some what fluctuating tones of lighting. That is a compromise i would make over and over again if it meant getting honest comments from my Creatives where they are not at all conscious about being filmed or photographed. Most of the time, because i maintained constant eye contact with them when they spoke to me WHILE filming, they barely noticed i was capturing them on tape.

Secondly, in the same article the journalist mentions that i, kAy, say "it is very difficult to be inspired in a city like Karachi."
This is either a vast misinterpretation or a misquote because i certainly would never have even THOUGHT such a thing, moreover SAY it out loud.
I think my blog, my book and my existence are proof enough of the fact that i find Karachi MOST inspiring. Why else would i make a book about people from Karachi? or have this blog which if you have followed speaks continuously about Karachi?
No no no NO.
Wrong and utterly wrong.
Karachi is a wonderfully inspirational place and anyone who does NOT think so needs to go through my book or just have a little conversation with me. I sometimes wish i had a little camera built in my eye and i could through infra red rays or sth pass those images to my computer to take printouts of the images. Everywhere i turn in the city, i see an image that speaks volumes to me.
Again, in the journalist's defense, i suppose she got confused because i said "it is CHALLENGING BEING creative in Karachi because of all its TRAPPINGS." And in my book i celebrate people who have managed to do just that.
But Karachi is inspiring and so SO so much more and i would never say otherwise.
:)


THE NEWS, INSTEP had a fantastic review about the book. That journalist really got the point of the book. She understood my reasons for doing this project and put it all down very well. SUNDAY TIMES (DAILY TIMES) also did a great job!

Thank you all all three journalists, though, for reviewing the book! And i hope i have cleared all the confusions with this post! :)


Ive been going for Tv interviews too, oh boy, that is a whole different post but lets my leave you with a lil teaser;
host: Why do all you "affluent artists" always talk about "creativity"?
me: Why are you such a presumptuous fool?


Okay lets be honest.. i did not ACTUALLY say fool. I will write about that in my next post though but feel free to leave a reply telling me what you THINK i should have said to that and i will tell what i DID say :)

Stay safe people.
Cheers!
:)

Magical moments

I thought I would put off blogging about the incredible event that took place in my life for a few days once I have figured out how I want to describe the event. But if there is anything I have learnt from the entire process of planning the event, it is that what you plan does not always happen, no matter how sure you are that it will work out. Following are some small examples about what I’m trying to say; Example 1. I had wanted to wear RED to my book launch for the last month or so. Searched high and low for the “perfect” red outfit. I ended up wearing blue. Example 2; the event was supposed to take place in a cozy confined area of my college as decided months before. Eventually, the event was spread all over the grounds. Last (but not least) example 3; I wrote a wonderful minute long speech. Went on stage and forgot all of it. I ended up saying something completely different.
All these carefully planned out things went completely awry! The funny thing is, all of it worked. My blue outfit complimented my RED surroundings. The vast spaciousness gave people room to breathe on a particularly hot evening and my extempore speech (no matter how terrible I thought it was) was received wonderfully by those who heard it.
Hence, this blog is not planned. I’ll just ramble on like I did in my speech and describe last night to you to the best of my abilities.
Many people do not know this but the highlight of my evening was a very crucial thing said by a very ordinary reporter. He, while interviewing me for his channel, asked me how it felt being a “trend setter”. He asked how I felt knowing that in the future people will follow the example I have set and that I have managed to create a completely new form of innovative books, an area previously unchartered by any Pakistani creative…how did I feel about that. My answer ofcourse is irrelevant in this story. It took me a good minute to snap out of the wonderful daze his words had put me in. He called me a ‘trend setter’. How wonderful was that?
But all this interview talk happened much later. There was a Book Talk that kicked the evening off. My publisher spoke first. What I loved about her speech was that she barely looked at the audience. She spoke directly to me as I sat in the front row. She smiled, genuinely happy for what we had accomplished together while she praised my concept and me. I honestly felt like I was the only person she spoke to while the 400 people behind me simply did not exist. Why did this act move me? I do not know. Maybe because with so many people doing things just for show and tell, here was a woman who genuinely believed in the spirit of my work.
One of the Creative Professionals in my book spoke next. Four things he said I shall never forget. 1. He told 400 people how when I was ten years old I stole a tye and dye shirt of his, which at that point came up to my knees and wore it for MONTHS. :P (the elegance I tried to achieve by wearing fancy clothes and heels just went out the window with that lil anecdote lol). 2. He said that I was different than most students who approached him to help them with their thesis projects. He said he had never enjoyed being asked questions more than he did with me because my questions were “so utterly strange”. At that point I think I had burst out laughing (god help how I looked on TV :P). and 3. He openly admitted how he hated being called a “creative” and that it made him feel like a tetra pack (mik carton) lol. From then on everytime he wanted to use the term “creative’s” he said tetra pack instead. :P and finally 4. He said when he first saw the cover image…which was a hand holding a cactus, he had never before seen such an apt cover for a book. That all ‘tetra packs’ were cacti indeed because they can grow anywhere and live under the harshest conditions…and continue to survive.
Finally, my turn came. Dazed by H.Z’s speech I forgot everything I meant to say. I even forgot to look at my sheet of paper that had my entire speech nicely typed out on it. Not to mention I stood tip toe just so I could reach the mike. (there goes the remaining elegance out that window). Whatever I said though, like I mentioned earlier, seemed to work and I had several (both biased and unbiased) people come to me and tell me it was great ☺
Now that you know how the evening went, I’ll move on to the reactions I have been dying to write about. This is getting to be a long post, but hey, this needs to be documented. To appreciate what I am about to tell you I need to dive a lil into history. I never talk so much about my professional life with my friends from grade school. Mainly because they are all either bankers or doctors. Nobody chose the creative field so whenever we meet up (which is very often) and they ask “so what are you working on these days” both of us are satisfied with my standard answer which is always, “oh…stuff.” It’s been this way for a while. God forbid if I elaborate, usually they start making fun of me. ( yes yes laugh at the artist) ;) So when I invited all of them to the book launch I didn’t quite know how to explain what kind of a book was being launched. I just said “come and see”. They came and saw… and I think… were stumped :P
So kAy did not lead such a chill and “faarigh” life afterall ;) it was a great feeling knowing that never again (possibly) will what I do be looked down upon (even as a joke!) ☺
Which brings me to my college friends. The ones who saw this book in it thesis state last, most of whom I have possibly seen only once or twice since we graduated nearly 3 years ago. To my utter surprise, nearly all of the ones I had invited showed up (3 couldn’t come but 10 did ☺). I was incredibly touched that despite not being in the best of touch with them, they came to support me. It made me ecstatic.
Aside from being a nearly perfect night, the thing that left it incomplete was the fact that my grandparents missed the event. I will not wallow over the situation here. I have sufficiently expressed my anger in other places. My grandfather however told me not to be upset about it. He told me today that he had skipped his nap just because he was hooked on reading my book from cover to cover, and that he was so proud of having another ‘author’ in the family (even though I did not really write the book since its in first person entirely).

I have so much more to write about… but in another post on another day.
Right now, all I can say is thank you Allah Mian, I never forget for a moment that You are behind all these blessings.

Cheers all!

Creative people need feedback. That concept cannot be argued at all. We need criticism. Constructive criticism. But sometimes, there is born a creative like myself who needs something else.
I've always been the sort of person who needed approval in life. Whether it was a job well done or a drawing painted, i needed that pat on the back. Unfortunately, despite glowing praises and accolades of attention one harsh word from any one remotely significant person had the ability to destroy me. I used to dwell on the negative comments more than on the positive ones. It was a flaw. It is a flaw. Thankfully, it is one of those things people normally cannot tell about me. I come forth as super confident, super positive super human to most people. Throughout college my work was always bold and my presentations extremely well delivered. I actually admit that myself. Arrogant as it may sound, it is the truth that my work was great. Not flawless, but great. I got rave reviews when my i presented my final college thesis. It was an ambitious project for an undergrad thesis but i did it. I pulled it off. One juror, though, remained unimpressed. He gave me an 80% as opposed to my other two jurors who gave me 92% each. I knew it was just bad luck, i knew not everyone can love a specific piece of work... but it bothered the hell out of me. My mother calls it a "Virgo" trait.
In six days i launch that undergrad thesis as a proper re-vamped coffee-table book. Again, i am putting myself out there to be judged, criticized, appreciated and...judged again by a bigger, meaner crowd. The entire creative industry of Pakistan. Life would be so much simpler if people were nicer. If their harsh comments were spoken in softer tones, if the world wasn't so eager to put other people down so that they can seem cooler. Where as one part of me is ridiculously excited that this book is about to be launched another side of me is bracing myself for the hideous and ugly comments i may have to hear. I never built that wall around me. I tried very hard to but i couldn't. I can pretend very well, that mean things don't affect me. But they do. A lot. More than they should. But where lies one weakness, lies one strength to pull one through it. And my strength is that i am great at moving on. No matter how profusely i hurt over broken hearts and broken promises, over lies and betrayal...eventually i move on and stop hurting. After sometime, i can actually smile at the offender and truly feel good about smiling at them.
Anyway,
this post has turned into more of a heart pour rather than my usual morally constructive posts. There is one moral here though; trying to please everyone may not always be a bad thing...not building a wall around you can be good too...at least you know you tried and at least you know you lived.

Will post after the launch now.
Wish me luck ppl! :)

This Shanakht has taken its toll

Those aren't my words up there.
They were said to me by my mentor.
I told her i was leaving for two years.
She asked if i would ever come back (given the situation of the country n all).

Why would she ask me that? i asked.
Ofcourse i would come back. Not because i had to...but because i wanted to.

I told her it's pretty clear cut;
I am going away to learn photography. I am going to come back and be the first woman who actually did not give the practice up in Pakistan. I am going to teach and travel within Pakistan and spread the knowledge i received.
Inshallah Inshallah I am I am I am i told her.

Then she said that above stated sentence to me.
My heart hurt a little once the gravity of what she was trying to tell me sunk in.
Will "they" let me?
For those who don't understand what I'm talking about, take a peek at Kamal Siddiqi's article in NewsWeek (or was it THE NEWS) about Talibanization in Khi- no myths...hard and fast facts about the happenings in Karachi.

Then this happened today;
http://adpdiaries.blogspot.com/2009/04/ppp-attacks-shanaakht-festival-destroys.html

And my hurting heart broke a little.
Our identity, so to speak, was attacked by none other than ourselves.
Honestly, does it get any sadder than this?
For more details on the Shanakht Festival and what it is, please read Khizzy's Blog

http://cloudkhizzy.blogspot.com/2009/04/my-sad-500th-post-its-my-party-and-ill.html




Ps: I just got news the Festival has NOT been cancelled.
All Karachi-ites be there on Sunday! We must show the jahil bullies that the intelligent masses are united. let's flock the festival and support it. I will be there too since my grandfather is the last speaker of the event. He will talk about what Pakistan was like when he chose to migrate and how his generation laid the foundation of this country.
ADP will close the event with what i am sure will be a rocking performance.

stay safe people.


edit: Shanakht got cancelled. I really hope it changes it's mind. :(