Over time, you tend to become the sort of person who had everything figured out in most, if not every, aspect of life. you have formed all this theories about how stuff should happen and how it shouldn't and you support what you say with all these logic you have come up. logic that possibly only makes sense to you and one other equally crazy friend of yours who is on the same wavelength as you are. you become rigid in your ideals and expectations of people. you judge when you shouldn't. you judge when you couldn't...because life had never put you in that situation- because you don't KNOW how you would feel if you did something....you just assume your reactions because you know the sort of person you are...how you think...how you WOULD feel.
most of the time, your assumptions are correct because yes...you DO know yourself that well.... but sometimes...when life does put you in a situation you've only previously assumed about and you react shockingly differently from how you would have imagined yourself do you realize that you do NOT always have the answers about yourself.
That you CAN be wrong.
That you need to live life with an open mind.
Egypt kind of smacked me in my face. It threw me for the loop-
who was i really? why was i enjoying THIS? why was i NOT enjoying that?
I think when you are on your own, you have the choice to groom your character and habits according to how YOU fit correct. Here, in the shelter of your parents homes surrounded by older siblings and family, you tend to get moulded into what is expected of you. It's a fine line between what you want... and what you REALLY want. It gets you thinking, would i be this person i am today if i had it my OWN way? And yes, mostly yes... because you weren't beaten up to be like this...you are from a liberal family...BUT...thanks to the trip...you know some things would be different...how different they would be is the golden question.
A question that a journey to find the answer to, would surely be worth your while.
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13 comments:
egypt...not mumbai?
:)
ive realized after my trips...that i still dont know how i'd be.
i've been moulded in cement.
:P
ab you have to explain what happened (or not) that evening with 4 strangers and two friends...this is all too cryptic and Im dying of suspense.
very nice write up,I liked your style of saying things in the way it need to be said:"Over time, you tend to become the sort of person who had everything figured out in most,if not every,but most aspect of life"
khizzy: i don't know how to exaplin this..but no.. india was very different..it was an amazing trip BUT...my guard was not torn down like it was in Egypt.
don't ask me why... i have no answer!
Aslam: i KINDA got what you meant... KIND of....
Aneela: lol- do i sound shady?? :P lol i don't mean to be cryptic..its just that i cannot be specific... if it were one single incicent i could say.. THIS is why i feel this way.. i would identify it... but it was a way of life i lived for two weeks...several things happened and some that you would be lik e"whydoesshethinkthisissooutstandingitssofreakinnormal"
but it just mattered to ME-
thus the reason for keeping this whole post very hypothetical and vague. :)
Daanish: thank you :)
strangely enough...i know why.
:P
its because i was there.
you couldn't let your guard down because i was there, a piece of your life back home. a reminder..sort of like your conscience personified.
atleast thats the difference for me with india and amreeka.
both the BEST trips. but very different.
khizzy: as much as i did NOT want to say it ... it's true...it WAS you. :P
and i couldnt bring myself to actually admit it without it sounding rude. but i am glad you said it. and bingo. you are my conscience.
but rest assured, if you come to the US with me, i am not going to let that come in the way so don't think twice about it! :)
aslam: i don't mean to be cryptic. its truly something that is better explained being vague. :)
just to be clear to everyone who is wondering, this has NOTHING to do with drugs sex and alcohol!
There are confusions about the way i of life i may have lead had i been on my own but rest assured these factors are borne in cement to be stayed away from no matter how "on my own" i am.
cheers.
Khaula, I think this is just the beginning. The process of discovery probably has to do with being on your own in surroundings that are not your own. So, it's either a sense of defense that kicks in or an air of liberation, and I'm glad for you it was mostly the latter. :) I hope this gets better wherever you go.
p.s.: Alcohol and sex aren't half bad, I'd drop the drugs too. ;) *kidding*
Aslam: lol...there is more to life... there seriously is.
and btw.. i am utterly utterly impressed that you noticed the little "your problem" detail i addded on khizzy's banner ( the old one i designed)- it was one of those things that could have gone and WOULD have gone and DID go unnoticed by many- but its a treat for a designer when someone notices the subtle touch.
you made me very happy :)
divvs: i think thats a perfect way to describe it... air of liberation. and boy did it kick in.
i hope we can meet on neutral territory soon and get kicks out of it together. :)
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