So Al got engaged day before yesterday. It was weird watching her put the ring on F’s finger. Really weird. I still remember sitting on the school bench in class 3 sharing chips with Al… and now whenever we share chips, there will be another hand dipping into that bag…FOREVER.
I hate to admit it and am certainly not proud of the fact that I have a difficult time sharing friends. I mean, it’s cool if we all know each other since forever and hang out but when you’ve been friends with someone for close to 20 years, its just weird seeing them be close to someone else.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not creepy possessive friend person. I just feel a pang and then either the pang goes away or the newbie who made me feel like that does. Either way, things work out…but while I’m feeling that pang, I’m real moody. I guess I feel threatened about where I stand in that person’s life.
Yes, it is a weakness.
It is a carnal fear that my friends will choose life partners who I don’t get along with. I know friendships will change- they always do… and I fear that. Do I doubt that they will not withstand the test of time? No. That’s not it. We will always be friends. But the intensity of our friendship, the rules, the routine will all change. It already has started happening, and as much as I want to move on with life, I don’t want the good things to alter.
How selfish of me.
Clearly I’m being a drama. Life means drama. There is always an upside. The new people we choose to include and love in life just expand the already good stuff we had going on for us as friends. More chairs on the table at restraunts…even some high chairs now ☺ and that is all amazing. But how can I not feel nostalgic, and a pinch of that pang, when we all sit around that table and only half of us really know who the other REALLY is because we have been together forever.
Enough drama now.
I’m working on creating a new forever.
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15 comments:
I hate sharing my friends too. I do it (because all of us have to) but it kinda sucks! :P
thank you for making me feel less creepy :P
Kay, I've never understood WHY people have trouble sharing their friends. I, for one, have always been one of those non-possesive types. But reading your post made me see the other side of the story.. And since I constantly wish I was a fly on the wall (not literally lol) I think I've made peace with those who in fact are possesive.
p.s. I feel friendships do change after your schooling is over. Different colleges, other friends, seperate interests, married life, children - they all play a part. And thats not neccessarily a bad thing. A good friend is such that even if you meet him/her after 10 years, you two start off from where you left it all behind.
p.p.s. sorry about the mile long post
awww kay i can totally relate to you!! this sucks many times
Nicely said. Well written. A+++. (And I'm not being patronizing...at all).
See, if you let words capture your feelings rather than just pictures, you can convey yourself really well =).
my grade 4 best friends get engaged & nikahfied on the 1st 2 weekends of april and my sister gets married on may 2nd...
i know EXACTLY how you feel.
sigh--
God you brought back memories of an year ago when friends were leaving jobs (at an institute I no longer worked for full time...but still I could visit them every year and I COULD PRETEND we were colleagues for a month), best friend/cousin was getting married AND HOW COULD SHE EVERYTHING WOULD CHANGE and no my getting married didnt count (!!) as technically I had moved away a long time ago so we could pretend I was still "studying" abroad..so there was I in the car sulking throughout the wedding week until gman played the Metro song for me (In dino) and asked me to pay attention to the lyrics (ab tumhey hai ijazat...tu bhee kar ley muhabbat) and asked me to give permission to my friends , family to love and move on. It did work!!
I understand.. I can be very territorial.. I blame this on being a leo.
And now for my comment on the post:P
If your friends "choose" their life partners, then there's a very slim chance that you won't get along with them. It's because your friend would have inadvertently chosen that person keeping in mind what friends/family waghaira waghaira think about that person.
So be not glum, chum. You'll get along fine =)
Selfish indeed!!
Nothing surprising though
desi lawyer: yes friendships change all the time...like i said, something you feel like hanging on to the way things are. :)
yawar: haha thank you.. although i still think pictures speak a thousand words :)
as for friends choosing life partners, you'd be surprised how our tastes differ when it comes down to that...risky business it is. :)
insi: welcome to the creepy friends club :P
aneela: you know i think you totally got this post. a lot of what you have said reminds me of my reaction when one of my best friends told me she said yes to a guy who i was on very bad terms with...it broke my heart a little back then.
as for the song.. it is very moving indeed.
lion-ess: i'm a virgo, i'm supposed to be the emotionless practical one :P what should i blame it on?
Valkyrie: :s i'm sorry i dont get the implications of your comment. if your only purpose on blogger is to comment on what other people have said as your profile states, you should try to be a lil more specific.
One of my close female friend shared the same sentiment but was far more agressive in terms of expressing her jazbaat and basically ended up alienating herself losing most of her close pals. I used to find it extremely selfish on her part hence my comment.
But accept my apologies.. i should have been more specific. The blog simply reminded me of her although you sound generally more positive:)
I get what you are saying so well...having parted with so many friends (not literally). Things do change understandably and it is an adjustment. But then time settles the dust and we find peace. And no I dont think you are being dramatic...or creepy or anything. Its normal and very natural. You are lucky to have friends that make you feel that way :)
hmmm i hate sharing friends too. but over the years i have come to the grudging concolusion that each of us has a different use- some are are good to listen with- some goo to be crazy with- some good to whine and bitch with- and with each of our friends we have a one on one pesona. Thankfully that doesnt change too much if you keep up-so the focus should be on keeping up- because the details of life may alter now and then- people maybe come and attach themslevs to your friends, but how they need you- and how you need them stays pretty much the same :)
valkyrie: that makes more sense now..
but yes, aggressively trying not to let anyone else in your friends life is a lil psychotic... what i was feeling was very harmless. :)
the free spirit: :)
1302: this is the year of dramatic changes, i'm curious to see how things end up next year between all of us friends...where life takes us and who we are and how we are with eachother after all these changes....
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