The new me?

I'll admit it-
I'm having a photographers block.
Sort of.
I mean I don't know what to call it.
What do you say when you don't feel like photographing?

I just feel like reading Santayana and Gilson (Gilson not so much) pondering about Beauty and the sense of it ( no pun intended)- bicker with fellow philosophy classmates about whether there is such a thing as expressive beauty or whether the quality lies in the object and other such matters that will never affect us in directly or kill us if we don't find the correct answer, but nevertheless MEAN something to us eventhough we cannot explain right at this moment why.

I'm going through a phase perhaps where experiencing is mattering more than documenting.
Documenting.
That is a wholllee other issue.
Apparently documentary photogaphy is a no go in a Fine Art grad school program.
Sigh.
Where to go what to do?
I've found solace and energy and life in philosophy since nothing else in the program is driving me to produce work.
Perhaps it was too soon for me to come to grad school or perhaps i am just not interested in being institutionalized in the area of photography where i feel most of the education is geared towards producing for New York Art galleries and the race for who is in with which curator and what out of this world concept will someone come up with that will get them in MoMa.
Concept.
That again is a whole other issue.
My advisor told me I don't seem like the person who sets out photographing with a concept or an agenda in mind, that the idea comes to me when i look at my results. I agreed. Its like this blog. I don't plan it. I do it when i want to.. the images happen to come together, sometimes i put the words before sometimes i put them after i have laid out the three images...the point is..it comes to ME. My advisor says I'm a watcher and being in a new place is driving me crazy because there is so much to see. And untill i'm done seeing everything thats on the surface i cannot start to see whats beneath it. So true.
"Click the obvious and then throw it away and move on"
Thing is, i have lost the will to click even the obvious and i am being sucked into the wonderful worth of contemplation and pondering and philosophy and education.


so I'll end it just as randomly as i have written this post.
I have signed up to teach local New York public high school kids about Pakistan and hold workshops with them.
I have also signed up to Career counsel them.
I have also signed up to do the same with elementary and middle school kids.

I am seriously considering going to Nepal for one month as a volunteer and teach English to under 18 kids.

and that is what is making me feel alive and liberated these days!

cheers.
:)